Ken
by Danger Noodle13
Summary: Rated T for Language. One-Shot Drabble. This takes place after Touka confronts Kaneki on the bridge and beats him up. Read it to find out the rest!


Disclaimer: I do not own Tokyo Ghoul

 **Ken: The range of perception, understanding or knowledge—Merriam Webster Dictionary**

" _Trash like you should stay out of Anteiku!"_

What the hell was this feeling gnawing away at her? Anger? Sure, she was positive there was still leftover residue from her encounter earlier. Disgust? Maybe… maybe disgusted with _him_ and his own stupid logic. Nope, nope, it definitely was not any sort of feeling of regret. She had yet to regret any decision she has ever made, including those involving murder.

She sat there at her desk, textbooks and notebooks open in front of her in an attempt to study, but due to an earlier confrontation with a certain former co-worker, she found herself stuck in the middle of her thoughts.

 _Like I've been told… "Listen carefully to others!"_ … _In the end I ended up beating him to a pulp… and even said those things._

 _He definitely won't be coming back…_ She thought to herself.

Touka knew she was driven by emotions, those emotions usually consisting of rage or anger or frustration, or maybe even all three depending on the circumstance. Today, for example, was a strong suit of all three.

Yet, she was happy to see him. However, in a fit of all those peculiar emotions she had no idea how to react, no idea what to say to him or how she should approach him… therefore, she ended up communicating the best way she knew how… with her fists. Now that she thought about it, it might have been dully thought out.

Mostly, she was angry about it. What a bastard he was! There she had gone out of her way to risk her life to save him from Aogiri only for him to act completely nonchalant about it and run off so that he could do his own thing while she was stuck at the shop. And his "own thing" was a load of bullshit in all actuality.

She had every right to be pissed at him. He had the gall to say that it was him trying to protect her when it was the complete opposite this entire time. Was it not her that stopped Nishiki from disconnecting his good-for-nothing skull from his neck? Was it not her that also stopped him from eating his best friend while he was in a state of starvation? When he asked her, she even offered up her limited free time to help him train to live as a ghoul easier. _She_ was the one who intervened when that bastard Tsukiyama tried to eat him. She did all that for him.

Why? She didn't fucking know. If she had the answer, things would be a lot easier right now. Scratch that, if she could have foreseen what all that was going to lead up to, she wouldn't have even bothered to do all that in the first place.

 _I need to stop thinking about this… it's time to study…_

Study… literature…

Wasn't he a literature major? Shit, he was. She sighed heavily and abruptly left her desk only to pace around the perimeter or her bedroom.

She shouldn't have gone to go see him after all… it just made her angrier than she already was. She didn't even know why she _wanted_ to go see him.

It's… that she… they… he… he's a son of a bitch. That's all there is to it.

…

Okay, no. That wasn't it. _He's_ the son of a bitch that left her. That's what it is. How dare he have the audacity to come into her life with his good morals and virtues and stupid friendly smiles, give her some sort of comfort in his personality and leave as though it were all nothing.

Exactly like everyone else.

She shouldn't give two damns about him. That night, when she saw him walking with Rize, of course she recognized him. He would stop in the shop every so often… to see Rize. That should have been the end of the story. He should have died. This feeling that wouldn't go away would be non-existent if he would have died that night like he should have.

Of course things couldn't have gone along that easily. No way, that was way too much to freaking ask for, wasn't it? She ended up having to work with him under the instruction of the manager.

And she hated him. She hated his stupid, ignorant attitude. She would act cold and curt with him, but he'd still come following her with his smiles, _"Touka-chan!"_. What? _What_? What the hell could you possibly want now? Can you not read the atmosphere? Can you not hear my tone of voice? Just leave me the hell alone, shithead!

She hated that he was human. He got to have all these opportunities in life. His family was dead? Get over it, practically everyone she knew was in the same state. He never had to live life in fear of being persecuted and killed every day. He could be clumsy with each step he took, he was allowed to make mistakes and his life wouldn't have been jeopardized for it. He had no idea what it could possibly be like.

" _I'm not like you monsters!"_ he had said something along the lines of that. Touka wasn't the kind of girl to snap with snide comments due to the fact that she would usually reply with the same sort of snarky tone, but she couldn't let that one slide. Especially after she went out of her way to help him when she was under no obligation to do so.

Needless to say after that incident (of her kicking the crap out of him) he was cautious around her from then on, until they started working even more closely together. As he continued his lifestyle and after the murder of Fueguchi, he'd become more considerate as a ghoul and insisted he was only half-human, and he especially liked to remind her that he was indeed half-ghoul, he wasn't just a human. He was one of them. They had the opportunity to have something grow between them, a friendship she hadn't had with any other ghoul. She was used to the cold detachment of other ghouls she knew for so long, almost all of her life actually. It wasn't anything she was expecting to have such a deep root, but it's what lead her to her rash decision to go save him from Aogiri.

She got used to his company. He was like an abandoned pup that would follow her around. He was always acting like he was worried about her; was she okay? She didn't do anything reckless again did she? How was she doing? How could she not worry about him?

She couldn't protect him from Yamori.

Timid, clumsy, shy, an eager-to-please little nerdy bookworm that had been kicked around his entire life because he was kind. That was Kaneki Ken. He was always looking to see how he could help, always looking to do the "right" thing, always looking to not be useless. And the only reason why she knew this was because they had spent a lot of time together, dammit!

Kaneki…

She supposed that maybe… he wasn't so useless. The night they had gone to Aogiri tree, he no longer had that lost puppy look to his face. He had completely transformed physically and no doubt mentally. She had no idea what happened to him during his time as a prisoner, but it obviously wasn't good.

He had broken out on his own, and regardless if she had known that or not she still had to see that he was alive. Ayato sneered at her and said he was dead, but she knew that was a lie. She could guarantee he was saying that only to be a shit.

Even though, she wasn't all there mentally when she did see him. She had a hard time figuring out whether she was hallucinating or if his hair had gone white. What she _did_ remember, however was coming to terms with that fact that she was close to dying, and death was fairly cold. She was close to passing out so she figured if she were to die, she wouldn't feel it anyway.

That is until she felt herself being enveloped by a pair of warm arms, and a familiar scent invaded her senses. In her delusional and incredibly weakened state, she might have wanted to cling to it, but frankly she barely had the energy to comprehend the situation.

There was a rage to his eyes, one that she didn't think she would see on him ever, and it wasn't until he looked down at her that she recognized that it was the little bookworm; his jet black hair gone white, his skin pale and splattered with blood (whose it was, she'd rather not know), and his dark gray eyes honing a hardened and cold look to them. It wasn't until he looked at her that those newly acquired features of his had softened and reverted to the way he once was. _What had they done to him_?

Then she passed out. All the events after that, she had no idea what happened until she came around after it was all over. She spoke no more than five sentences to him before he gave her a melancholic smile and told her that he wasn't going back.

And just like that, he fell of the face of the earth. She'd hear of him, but she could never confirm those rumors she did hear. All over again, she was alone.

Yet, at the same time she wasn't. She knew she had all the people at the shop, the manager, Yomo, and of course little Hinami to talk with, but it wasn't the same. As much as she didn't want to admit it, there was an emptiness. Every day since then, she would expect to walk into the shop and be greeted with his smile, she would expect to walk into one of the backrooms to see him there. She wanted him to be there.

She couldn't stand it any longer—she had to leave. Quickly, she stood up and walked quickly out of the room.

She shouldn't have seen him. She shouldn't have seen him. She wanted to apologize to him. She wanted to punch him. She wanted to tell him that she never wanted to see him again. She wanted to hold onto him and never let him go again. Damn, she felt so conflicted.

Her face felt warm and she felt shaky. It felt hard to breathe. She felt trapped, and it was that one word he told her that was the cause of all of this:

Loneliness.

Damn him.

She hastily put on her shoes to leave. Sure, it was dangerous for a ghoul to walk around right now, even more she'd seen doves in the 20th ward more often than usual… but she could fend for herself. She'd done so for most of her life anyway.

Flinging open the door, she was prepared to step out to get her mind out of its current state. However, the door did not open all the way. In fact, it seems like she hit someone. The figure stumbled back, she prepared to utter a quick apology.

Until she saw who it was.

Her eyes widened and she felt heat rise into her face. _What the fuck are_ you _doing here?_ That's what she wanted to yell, but instead she gaped, unable to vocalize her thoughts.

It was him, in the flesh. She definitely wasn't imagining this. He was there with his hands over his nose, wincing a bit from the pain of having a door slammed into his face. He was a ghoul, but that didn't mean that he wasn't accident prone every so often. After a few seconds, he seemed to realize what had just happened, he seemed to realize that he probably looked clumsy as ever as she stood there gaping at him in—what was that expression?—outrage? Fury? He would prepare for the worst.

The worst being that she slam the door in his face or start hitting him again, and basically make his trip over there all for nothing, however he was hoping he had waited long enough that she had cooled down. It's what he'd done all of his time that he knew her. He'd do something that would irritate her and a few moments later he'd come back to check to see if she was still angry. Most of the time she was, but a few times she wasn't.

This time it could very easily be either or. Usually she was the first to give some sort of sign: a pissed off look, something of an aloof type expression to her face, but this time all she did was stare at him wide-eyed.

 _Definitely still angry_ , he thought. He opened his mouth to say something. Suddenly he felt an impact, but not the same sort of impact as her punching him.

This one was gentle and one he was unfamiliar with, or rather, one he hadn't felt in a long time. He had realized she had thrown her arms around him, and the moment he realized it, he felt heat rush into his face.

"T-Touka-chan?"

"Shut up. Just shut the hell up." She muttered, her hold around him tightening. He did as he was told and said not another word, hesitating before slipping his arms around her slender form.

 _What a bastard_ , she thought as she let her forehead rest against his shoulder. All that anxiety that had built up in her had ceased. He was there. He was with her. She was surprised by the warmth that he provided—physically and metaphorically, whatever the hell that meant. They stood there in silence, she still trying to process that he was there and he waiting for her to make her next move.

After a few beats of stillness, she lightly placed her hands on his shoulders to push him away; not in a rough manner, but only enough to put a little bit of space between the two of them. She mustered up the courage to look up at him only to see his expression honing extreme amounts of concern.

On top of that, it was hard for her to find focus again because he had taken one of her hands in his, but he had still yet to say anything. Both of them were at a standstill merely due to them being unsure what to say.

Which was strange on his part, frankly, because he usually had a _lot_ to say, but at this point he didn't want to piss her off again.

She noticed while her hand was in his that his fingers were rough, calloused. They had never been that way, she could recall. In his reserved manner, he had grabbed her wrist like she was something delicate, like she could break with an abrasive touch, in a way to get her attention or to coax her to let him help her walk when she was injured.

Slowly, their fingers intertwined together, and she felt heat creep onto her face. _Idiot_ , she thought to herself. Whether she was referring to herself or him, she couldn't be quite sure then, yet she gripped his cold hand tightly. At that point, she also had noticed how much larger his hands were than hers—of course, that was obvious, but up until a few months ago, he might as well have been a kitten.

No, _no_ , that was not the case now. Now, of course not to her, he seemed so much more intimidating.

However, she was so caught up in her own thoughts and her own observations that she didn't notice his actions. He had leaned down, and by the time she had looked up at him in noticing this, he was close enough to press his lips lightly onto hers.

It wasn't anything that should have flustered anyone. It was only a touch of skin to skin, yet an extremely unwelcome heat scorched her cheeks at the mere three seconds of contact. He pulled away from her and offered a reassuring smile. She on the other hand could only stare at him, face full of blush and in a rut of confusion.

"W-Why?" was the only word she could ask. It was a vague question: why did he change, why was he there, why did he leave, why did he come back, why _didn't_ he come back, why did he kiss her just then? Why?

He only gave her a half-hearted shrug in response. On the inside though, he reveled in her current state; she was flustered and embarrassed, in shock, a blush on her face. He had never seen her look like that, and if he's been the only one to make her like that, he enjoyed it even more. Maybe it was the sort of cynicism that had developed in his head over the time.

She frowned, "That's it? A shrug?"

"You told me to shut up." He says simply, almost with an underlying snarky tone.

"So if I told you to go die, you'd do that?"

"If it was you who said it, yeah." He said quietly. She blushed heavily. _Idiot_.

"Whatever." She muttered, looking down at the floor and pulling him past the threshold of the door. He closed the door behind him and waited for her to say something else, "Why are you here?"

"I… I don't want things to end just like that." He said. She frowned and looked at him warily.

"If that's what you wanted, then you wouldn't have said what you did." She said, feeling those rage-filled emotions starting to build up again. Sure, she was happy to see him _again,_ but she wasn't going to let him off the hook that easily. She was going to chew him out first, "If you wanted things to be better you wouldn't have left in the first place, asshole. What do you think? That I'd up and forgive you on the basis that we worked together? Who the hell do you think you are?"

He rubbed his chin and averted his eyes away from hers, "I didn't really think things through all that well."

She glared at him, "See, there you go again! You fucking liar!"

"I'm not—"

"You are!" she copied the gesture hastily, "This, _this_ , every time you do _that_ you might as well be fucking lying to my face. Do you realize how easy you are to read, dumbass? Who the hell do you think you're talking to? You _did_ think things out because you're the sort of fool that thinks out everything. You left. You lied. You lied to me to cover up your own selfishness."

He had that injured look to him again. It was like when he did something accidently except this was an entirely different situation.

"I'm sorry." He said softly. He wanted to tell her that she was right. He knew that she knew what he was really like , but… a guy like him couldn't easily admit to his poor decision making. He looked at her, trying to meet her eyes, but felt so guilty he found it incredibly hard to do so, "You can hit me again if you want." He said quietly.

Reluctantly, she softened her expression and furrowed her brows. Did he really perceive her to be that violent? "No, it's…" she trailed off unsure of what to say again. It's wasn't fine. It wasn't okay, none of it was going to be "okay" for a while, but she felt like she was past the point already—of beating the shit out of him again, that is. Her previous assault is probably what landed him there in the first place. Maybe "beating some sense" into him was a better phrase. Or not, "That's not what I want." She clarified.

"What is it you want then?" he asked, his tone still the same: cautious, gentle. She opened her mouth to speak, but when it came down to it and as angry as she was, she didn't exactly know. For starters, she could say that she wanted things to go back to the way they were, but she knew that it was too much to ask for. Without thinking she approached him and he watched her quietly.

She grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, and in the back of his head he feared that maybe she was taking him up on the whole "you can hit me" thing. Instead, however, she drew him down and pressed a shy kiss to his lips. He was initially dumbfounded, but after he made heads or tails of the situation he leaned into her and because neither of them pushed the other one away he slipped his arm around her slender waist to pull her closer to him; and at her leisure she released her grip on his shirt to put her arms around his neck.

 _What do you want then?_ There were a lot of things. If she could have her way, she wanted Mrs. Fueguchi to be alive; she wanted her father to be alive; she wanted her brother to stop being ridiculous, if Touka could have her way there would be a lot of people that she wanted to still be with her. She wanted the doves to be gone, or at the very least see the error of their ways. There were a lot of things she wanted, but the unfortunate thing is that all the things she _wanted_ were completely beyond her control.

With a single exception.

Gradually, they parted, and even though she was the instigator he could feel the heat still resonating off her face. She looked down so she was focused on the ground, too embarrassed to meet his eyes while he let his forehead rest against hers as he waited for an answer from her. Her hands slipped from around his neck only to lightly clutch the front of his shirt.

"I don't want you to leave me again." She spoke quietly, albeit honestly. She felt a soft pressure against her mouth and she closed her eyes to indulge the feeling once more, returning his kiss that time around, "Don't leave me." She said a little breathless as they parted once more.

She hated him. She hated him so much. It was only him that could make her think like that. _Don't leave me_. What kind of bullshit was that? She'd been alone most of her life, so why was it so unbearable when he wasn't with her. Why did he being with her right then make her feel so much more at ease? All she wanted in end… was for him…

To stay…

They lay there together, his arms around her small form and his face nestled in the crook of her neck. No more words were spoken, there was only the sound of their soft breathing that was syncopated, yet not at the same time; rather than a unanimous texture, it flowed more as a near-silent rhythm and melody.

His hold around her was slack as he dozed in her arms. Certainly, she had realized he must have been depleted, or at the very least tired, and she held onto him in what seemed as a subconscious fear of losing him if she let go.

There was nothing lewd about the situation, quite the opposite in all reality. Of course, there was an unspoken desire between the two, but as far as that want being physical or emotionally comforting, they would most likely argue the latter. What scene both of them partook in was one that was quite the opposite of impurities that they were extremely familiar with, but rather it was one of comfort, one of where the mere feel of the other nearby was enough.

And it's all that either of them needed.

Again, she was there in an attempt to protect him. From what this time around, she wasn't sure about that either. She could figure that he hadn't been sleeping enough based on the dark circles beneath his eyes. Whatever it was that plagued his slumber, she wasn't going to ask because she already knew that it would be something awful. He had told her about that one nightmare he had after his encounter with the gourmet restaurant, and that was graphic enough although she'd never admit it aloud.

He had fallen asleep easily, having been coaxed to sleep by the minimal comfort she could provide.

Lightly, she threaded her slender fingers through his snow-white hair, and in his unconscious state he cuddled a little closer to her. She might have wanted to fall asleep too, but she didn't want to fall asleep and wake up only for all of that day to have been a dream, or worse: to wake up and find him gone. As much consolation he found with her, she found with him.

His warmth, his familiar and rather unusual scent, but most of all the feel of him there. Anyone who knew Touka knew that she wasn't an affectionate person. She didn't like people who tried to touch her. She didn't like when people thought they knew her, but didn't. She didn't know how to comfort people, usually when she had to she'd offer a pat on the head and some lame words of encouragement, but whomever was on the receiving end generally felt that she was trying her best. Shortly, she didn't have that nurturing nature that girls are "supposed" to have. However, it wasn't as though she didn't try to be [caring] for she was in her own way.

He knew that, and the fact that she let him cling to her the way he did was enough proof for him that she did care.

After his first encounter with Touka as a ghoul, he would have never that in a million years that he would be like this with her. Yes, he had said some awful things he knew nothing about, but she really did a number on him. She was constantly mean to him, but after a while she became… gentler. In a way.

Typically, he shouldn't like a girl like that. She spoke in vulgarities, death threats, and curses. He liked girls that spoke with intelligent words. He liked graceful girls. She didn't do well in nor like literature. She was cold and distant, but as he spent more time with her and was able to observe her, he realized that was her on a surface level.

Although she wasn't well-read, she was wise from the time she spent on the streets as a ghoul, and from that time it's what made her talk the way she did, to act the way she did. Even though she didn't speak beautiful words of poetry or analysis, she spoke words of realism, the world as she understood it. She wasn't graceful in her everyday movements, perhaps mostly professional and calm, but training, her skills and the way she could maneuver herself, she was extremely timely; almost like a dancer in syncopation with music, but he found Touka much more impressive to watch as she was in tune with herself rather than relying on an abstract entity.

Previously, before all _that_ happened to him with Kanou and whatnot, it isn't as though he didn't notice her. Of course, he was focused on Rize, but that didn't mean that he hadn't noticed how pretty that particular Anteiku waitress was.

The more he learned who she was, and the more he saw how dangerous their world was, he wanted to be able to protect her. Not necessarily only her, everyone that he knew could easily be taken away from him, but mostly her. Of course he knew she wasn't going to let him do that so easily. He knew that she could take care of herself, but he went through his own precautions just in case.

It's the reason he separated himself from her. If there were people hunting him down by ghoul investigators and ghouls alike, he knew that would be setting everyone up at Anteiku to be in danger.

It was because of him that she got injured. Neither of them were expecting to be attacked that day, and neither of them were strong enough to stop it. The shop was ruined, the one place that was like a haven for all of them was nearly swept from under their feet. He was taken somewhere awful, but he would rather it be him than her, in which way he was glad that they left her behind.

He wasn't sure where he'd be without her. Dead? Most likely.

She often said he was an idiot or would say something harsh like _"Go die, idiot!"_ but one day he thought about it. If she acted like she hated him so much, why was it that whenever he was in a pinch, she was always there to help him? Without him even knowing she was there at that! His first encounter with Nishiki, _what_? She just happened to be strolling through? No way, it couldn't have been that coincidental every time. The second time with Nishiki? Tsukiyama? Invading a hive of blood thirsty ghouls? It couldn't have been because she hated him.

" _My work load will double if that idiot's killed"_ she would say when someone or even he would ask about it, but facts are facts: she had that work load even before he was employed at Anteiku. And the manager was considerate of the fact that she was in high school and had to study when she needed to. The manager had said it was important for her to have a healthy school life, hell it was the manager who proposed that she go to school in the first place.

By that logic of her statement and the situation, there was absolutely no reason why she should have been at any of those places that he was in danger. Unless…

No, he wasn't going to think about _that_. He wasn't even one hundred percent sure about his own feelings. Then again, his feelings had been a jumbled mess from the moment he became a ghoul. Of course there were immediate feelings like embarrassment or annoyance, but when he started thinking about feelings that took a while to develop or ones that didn't come into play during everyday activities, then he started getting himself confused, frustrated, and overall upset because he wasn't sure _what_ he felt about large issues anymore, and in the end it led him to lay down and stare blankly at the wall.

Recently, in contrast to that thought process, he knew he did feel empty, or maybe empty wasn't the word for it. Robotic, fueled by an outside force that he had to justify in order to have motivation.

Yet, when he opened his eyes and saw her laying there next to him, a warmth spread throughout him. One that made him feel less tense, like everything was all right when she was there next to him.

He wasn't sure what time it was, but he knew he was going to have to leave soon. He had made up his mind about what he was going to do, but he couldn't stay here with her and let the others wonder about where he'd gone and when he was coming back. Even if going back only meant for a short while to tell them that he had to leave again, and at that time they were free to do whatever it was that they wanted with their lives. He couldn't keep putting their lives in danger. Not theirs, not his, not Hinami's or Touka's. Hopefully, they would understand his decision.

For now, however, no one should be in pursuit of any of them. He had a few more hours to spare, and he knew that if he just up and left then, she would be angry again.

He did feel better rested. He felt relaxed, and was hesitant about leaving in general; that warmth, that comfort was one he had craved since breaking out of Aogiri. She had fallen asleep, it was one of the few times that he had seen her look so serene.

She looked beautiful. Her heart-shaped face, her skin—fair and free of any blemishes. She had long eyelashes, he noted, as it was something he never really noticed before. As she slept, her full pink lips were parted and she breathed lightly, and again he had the temptation to kiss her. He wanted to touch her, but he'd rather not disturb her in such a state.

At the very least, he liked her.

"Stop staring at me," she murmured, half-asleep. Under his usual circumstances, he probably would have apologized profusely and gotten all embarrassed that she had caught him, but instead he reached up a hand to cup her face. Within seconds, he felt a rush of heat beneath his fingertips even though that warmth wasn't apparent on her face. He traced his thumb along her cheekbone, "What's with you?" she mumbled, opening her eyes a bit to look at him.

She felt a bit embarrassed, she had miscalculated how close he actually was to her. He was so close that their noses could have touched if she scooted towards him maybe about a centimeter. On account of her still being half-asleep, she propped herself up on her elbow and lightly pushed him onto his back before laying back down, letting her head rest against his chest.

"Your heart's beating loud." She murmured, letting her eyes close, slipping her arm around his torso.

"Touka-chan?" she could hear his voice reverberating in his chest.

"Hmm?"

"Do you like me?" he asked quietly. He didn't expect an immediate answer, nor was she necessarily giving one. Mostly because on his part, it was something of a musing of his that he had thought of even more since she was there—since she was there and being more affectionate with him than she had ever been.

She propped herself back up on her elbows to lean over him and lightly pressed her lips onto his. He reached one hand to lightly cup her face while wrapping his arm around her waist. She didn't part from him as quickly as she had anticipated, on the contrary, she kissed him long and deeply. He could only accept her, his fingers played with the hem of her shirt as they kissed before he slipped his hand beneath her shirt and up her back. She felt flustered by the fact that he was able to force a soft moan out of her from the sensation of his cold hands against her warm flesh, but she didn't push him away or stop the moment. They remained all wrapped against each other, both of them not parting from each other. When she did part from him, rather than being embarrassed by her actions she was more flustered by the ordeal that her actions left her breathless.

"Don't ask stupid questions." She said. He sighed and smiled softly at her.

"Touka-chan?"

"What?"

"Can… I kiss you again?" he asked lightly. Her expression softened.

"What did I just say, idiot?" She said softly despite what normally would be considered harsh words. He had a gentle hold on her, yet it was firm as he silently switched their positions, laying her beneath him. She felt her face go warm when she realized what had just happened at that she was completely at his mercy.

It wasn't as though Touka was a control freak, but the fact that she didn't have control over the situation flustered her. Of course she knew that he wouldn't do anything stupid or anything to make her uncomfortable, because he was always so gentle with her. Like earlier, he could have easily overpowered her and stopped her assaults, but he understood what she felt and allowed her to her rage. Was it painful? Yes, but he hurt her as well, _he_ made her angry, and felt guilty for doing so and felt as though that was his punishment for being, as she would say, an idiot.

He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. She placed her hands on his shoulders and enjoyed the moment because she knew it wasn't going to last forever.

As strong as she was, as intimidating and aloof as she came off, Kaneki reveled in the moment, in her reactions because he thought he would never see her like this, it was a complete contrast to her usual demeanor: cold, blunt, professional. It derived from her lack of experience though, and he knew that. She had never had those sort of feelings for anyone, she had never been physically or emotionally attached to anyone, much less in a romantic way.

He, on the other hand, was used to those feelings of embarrassment, those feelings of liking a person, and he came to accept that he'd probably never get rid of the tendencies he had when he liked a person.

Despite her lack of empathy and though she would never say so aloud, he was hers. If that weren't the case, she wouldn't have been determined to go to Aogiri's base with or without a team. If that weren't the case she wouldn't have asked to go with him before he turned her down. If that weren't the case she wouldn't have been inquiring his whereabouts from the time they split up to then.

What was it she had said when she got home after Aogiri? _Don't leave me alone. What was the point…_

Her point was that she had gone to save him because she wanted him to be with her. Sure, she had said that he didn't have any right to determine that she wouldn't be fine if she was alone, but he was right. She wasn't going to admit that. Never, ever.

It's where they were both too stubborn. He didn't want to admit that he was lonely and she didn't want to admit that either.

It was in their actions that they could figure each other out: she always protecting him and following him, he always making sure she was okay and withdrawing himself to prevent any danger falling upon her.

And right then, in a moment of intimacy, they held on to each other, exchanging soft, gentle kisses. It was a moment that they could confirm their feelings for each other. It was a time that neither of them could deny anything about the situation in contrast to their usual vagueness with each other.

Slowly, they part from each other again, both of them hazy-eyed and breathless. She had her arm around his neck and her free hand on his arm. She didn't have to voice what she wanted, nor did he have to ask permission to what he wanted. It was the little gestures that told them everything that they needed to know; the way her fingers played with the ends of his hair, the way he held her close to him without being overbearing, in the manner that she lightly touched him—gentle, yet not cautious.

He lowered himself and pressed a soft kiss against the line of her jaw, to which she tensed slightly having never experienced that sort of feeling before. When she didn't make any signs of protest he continued a feather-light trail of kisses down the length of her neck, and he enjoyed the feel of her soft, warm skin beneath his touch. A moan escaped her, albeit strained because she tried to force it down. She lightly gripped his shoulders.

"You're going to leave me again, aren't you?" she asked airily. He stopped where he was and slowly pulled away from her. He didn't say anything, but his expression was clear, "I thought so." She muttered, looking away from him.

"Touka-chan, I—"

"But you'll come back to me, right?" she said with a gentle smile. No, there was something else there. It was a little troubled, but also… sad. At first glance, it might be one of those pleasant smiles she offered to strangers, but no. It was a melancholic sort of smile that was special just for him. His expression softened.

"I'll come back, I promise I'll come back." He said softly. She placed her hand at the nape of his neck and drew him down. He let his forehead rest against hers and she gently ran her fingers through his dove-feathered hair. _How ironic_ , she thought to herself as she wrapped her other arm around him.

She woke up when she felt an absence of warmth. She didn't say anything as she watched him sit up. He sat at the edge of her bed yawning. Quietly, she sat up and waited for him to get up and completely walk away from her.

It was dark outside. Neither of them had bothered to check the time. She wished she could say something along the lines of it being late and he should leave until morning, but she knew he had been procrastinating enough. He turned to look at her, but appeared surprised that she was watching him. He should have realized he would have woken her up.

In silence, he stood up and walked to her bedroom door. She got up and followed him, catching his hand in hers. He didn't stop to turn and look at her, because he knew if he did he would only want to stay and not leave again. Despite that she followed him with their fingers intertwined.

She let go of his hand only so he could put on his shoes. She leaned against the wall as she watched him and he stood up to face her.

"Touka-chan," he said her name softly and she looked up at him. He approached her, gently cupped her face and leaned forward to kiss her. He parted from her, "I'll… see you later, okay?" She said nothing and nodded as he opened the door.

"Good-bye, Touka-chan."

…

…

…

" _For now it is still forbidden to enter. Currently a huge skirmish is going on in the 20_ _th_ _ward."_

" _Yomo-san?"_

" _Pack your things, we're leaving."_

" _What about Anteiku?"_

" _It's over."_

" _He got lost going back to Anteiku. That's why… he lost his place of return"_

I… have faith in him.  
I know that he will return to Anteiku.

 **Well, I hope I didn't bore you with this drabble-based fic. I did pull quotes from the manga, not the anime because it strays from Ishida's work, which is just super amazing and I love the literary elements of it. Also, I came across the definition "ken" when I was looking up a synonym and I thought it was funny because Kaneki's name is Ken… maybe I'm just a nerd.**

 **To the next thing! Or not…**

 **Or something…**

 **-DN**


End file.
